


down the back (still the louvre)

by lucylikestowrite



Category: DC's Legends of Tomorrow (TV)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Angst, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Episode Tag, F/F
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-12-08
Updated: 2018-12-08
Packaged: 2019-09-13 22:46:06
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,105
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16901265
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/lucylikestowrite/pseuds/lucylikestowrite
Summary: Sara shuffles downwards, under the covers, drawing Ava close. “Ava. It’s okay. It was just a dream. I’m here.” Her hand cups the back of Ava’s head, pressing her face into the hollow of her neck. Beneath her hands, Ava shakes, sobs wracking through her body, tears rolling down onto Sara’s skin.“It wasn’t just a dream,” Ava mumbles, eventually. “It wasn’t just a dream. It’s all true. Everything he said. Everything you said.” She pauses, scrunching up her face. “Everything you said in the dream,” she corrects herself. “I’m not real. You deserve something more than this. You deserve someone with real memories and real experiences and real emotions and—”or: if charlie and john hadn't broken the universe, and ava and sara had gotten a little more time to talk through things





	down the back (still the louvre)

**Author's Note:**

> happy 1000 fics, avalance.
> 
> have some angst
> 
> i had an idea of what i wanted to write post 4.07, and it wasn't exactly this, but it was the spiritual predecessor to this
> 
> as a slight warning, this fic is not mick rory/garima friendly.

After the puppet is taken down again, Ray and Mick take it back to the lab. John had given them some basic ingredients for spells that could be used to entrap magical creatures, and it should be enough to hold the spirit until he can get back.

Mick leaves Ava leaning against the console, and, as soon as they're gone, Sara rushes over to her. There's blood on her hands, and on her shirt, and, although it's obvious that he got her in her leg, it's not immediately clear if he also got her anywhere else.

“Ava,” she asks, her voice gentle, as she guides Ava’s arm around her shoulders, hooks her arm around Ava's waist, “is it just your leg? Did he get you anywhere else?” she tries to keep her voice level, calm, not to betray any of the worry she's feeling.

Ava shakes her head, grimacing, and Sara breathes a sigh of relief. “Just your leg?” Ava nods.

“Okay,” Sara says, gripping down on Ava's waist and supporting as much of her weight as is possible from the angle. “Okay. Come on, let's get you to the med bay.” She pauses, turning to Ava, pressing a kiss down in Ava's hair. “I'm sorry I can't carry you, baby.”

As they start moving, Ava laughs, a protracted laugh that's cut off by another moan of pain. “It's okay, Sara. I think I can manage the thirty second walk to the med bay.”

Sara tilts her head. “I know. I still wish I could carry you.” She pauses. “Should I not have told the boys to leave? Should I get them back?”

Ava’s eyes widen, and she’s shaking her head, and Sara swears internally, immediately realising that that was a terrible suggestion. Like Ava would let them help her in any way more than the arm Mick had offered her.

“Okay. Yeah. No. No boys. Let’s just get to the med bay.” Ava nods, limping towards the doors.

As they walk, their progress slow, Gideon opens doors for them, obviously trying to make this easier on them. Behind them, there’s a tiny trail of blood droplets, and Sara hates it, hates so much knowing that Ava is hurting.

Behind the knee was a brutal point for the fugitive to have chosen, but he would’ve known that. Perfect for crippling someone, putting them out of action in one blow. Ava’s hand grips down on the hand around her waist, so hard it hurts, and Sara grimaces, knowing it’s nothing compared to how Ava must feel.

It’s fine. Gideon will have her fixed soon. There’s not going to be any permanent damage. Gideon’s grown back hands; she can deal with a stab wound.

Still, hearing Ava breath heavily beside her, seeing a sheen on sweat on her face from the exertion of just _walking_ is the worst thing Sara has ever felt.

She hadn’t ever had to deal with seeing Ava get hurt, not properly, and she hadn’t really thought about how it would affect her, but it’s _killing_ her.

The sighs of relief they both breathe when the med bay looms in front of them are equally loud. It’s just in time, because Ava’s leg buckles underneath her, giving out, and Sara only just catches her in time, manhandling her into the seat, being less gentle than she usually would be, because all she cares about is hooking her up in to the system.

Ava leans back onto the head rest, her eyes closing, obviously relieved to be finally off her leg, to finally be able to rest. She’s still gripping onto Sara’s hand, and Sara squeezes it, before pulling it away, fumbling for the things she needs to be connecting to Ava.

Her hands are shaking, her vision blurring, and she realises with a jolt that she’s _crying_.

All of a sudden, Gideon’s voice echoes through the room. “It’s okay, Captain. Director Sharpe’s injury, while extremely painful, is superficial. She will be perfectly fine. All you need to do is connect my systems. If you are unable to do that, I could, perhaps, call Dr. Palmer.”

The fact that she didn’t suggest Rory shows that she has more understanding of them all, and their feelings, than they give her credit for.

Ava’s eyes blink open, creasing with worry when she sees the tears welling up in Sara’s eyes, her hands still trembling, trying to remember how the wires work. She’s hooked people up to this machine hundreds of times. Been hooked up herself dozens of times. And yet, seeing Ava sitting there, blood leaking out from her knee, her face pallid, has her forgetting every single thing she’s ever known.

“Hey,” Ava whispers. “Sara. Darling. It’s okay. Gideon says it’s okay. I’m going to be fine.”

Sara takes a breath, wipes at her eyes. “No, I know,” she says, her voice watery, wavering. “I just— seeing you hurt… I’ve never seen you hurt before. Not like this. Not— not _bleeding_ and hardly able to walk and—”

“Sara,” she repeats, her voice a little firmer. “I’m going to be okay. But I really need you to—” she cuts off, wincing, gasping lightly. “I need you to connect me so Gideon can dose me up.”

The slight commanding tone in Ava’s voice, the reminder of who Sara is talking to, that despite the fact that she’s Sara’s girlfriend, she’s also the Director of the Time Bureau, capable of ordering hundreds of people around with one word, cuts through Sara’s panic, and a second later, the correct way to fix everything together comes to her, and Ava’s hooked up.

Ava sighs as the first rushes of medicine run through her. “I’m tough, Sara. I can deal with this sort of thing. You don’t need to worry about me. I don’t need protecting.”

Sara collapses down on the chair next to Ava, leaning her arms against the side of it, staring down at Ava. “I know. I know. I can’t help it. I can’t help worrying. I didn’t realise— I didn’t realise how you getting hurt was going to affect me,” she admits.

A fond smile stretches over Ava’s face. “Love you for that,” she murmurs. “But s’okay… don’t have to worry about me,” she says, her voice getting more and more slurred. “Tiny Sara doesn’t have to worry about me,” she finishes, a slight laugh in her voice, before she trails off completely, already under.

Sara blinks. “Did she just make a height joke about me?”

Gideon’s voice, when she responds, straight into Sara’s earpiece, makes it sound like she’s as close to laughing as is possible for her. “I think so, Captain. Now, if you would be so kind, it would be wonderful if you could cut away the fabric around her leg. It would greatly speed up my ability to heal her.”

Sara nods, sitting up, Ava’s blasé attitude to the whole thing pulling the irrational panic away even more.

Because that’s the thing, she thinks, as she picks up the scissors on the table next to Ava’s head, as she carefully cuts into the fabric, pulling it away from Ava’s leg, always looking up to check she’s not pulling Ava out of her drug-induced sleep. It’s irrational. She _knows_ Ava can look after herself. She _knows_ the injury isn’t serious. She _knows_ Ava that this isn’t the first time Ava has gotten hurt like this, and it certainly won’t be the last, not in their line of work.

It was just a shock, seeing it happen for the first time.

When the fabric is pulled away, Gideon forces Sara to sit back down. “You can hold her hand, Captain,” she says, when she obviously notices the way Sara’s gaze is lingering on Ava’s hand. “It won’t disturb her.”

Sara sighs, linking their fingers together. “How long is it going to take?” she whispers.

“Not more than five minutes. It’ll take about half an hour for her to wake up properly from the drugs, but she’ll be able to walk. I recommend that once she’s mostly conscious, you take her somewhere less… clinical to sleep the drugs off.”

Sara nods, then stands up, reluctantly letting go of Ava’s hand. “Call me if she wakes up. I’m getting us a courier so I can take her straight to her apartment when she’s up.”

The courier is locked away in the library. When she gets back, Gideon is still working on her leg, but it looks like it’s almost done. Thirty seconds later, the lights fade away, and Sara can see that the injury is gone, the wound healed. The drip feeding drugs into Ava’s body switches off. A couple of minutes later, Ava is stirring, her eyes fluttering.

“Hey,” Sara says, softly. “All fixed.”

Ava blinks, and then her eyes open properly, staring up at Sara. “I’m really tired,” she mumbles, her eyelids falling closed again.

“I know,” Sara says, sympathetic. “The sedatives are still in your system. I’m gonna take you home, okay?” Ava groans, and Sara reaches out a hand, stroking over Ava’s cheek. “I know. You don’t wanna move. But all you gotta do is walk like two steps through the portal, okay, baby? I’ll do the rest. Can I get you up?”

Ava nods, drowsily, lets herself be pulled up, through the portal, and then immediately collapses onto her bed as soon as they’re through. “Okay,” she says against the pillows. “This is better than the chairs in the med bay.”

“Mmm,” Sara says, pulling Ava’s shoes off, easing her jacket off of her shoulders, before drawing the covers up over her. “Yes, it is,” she continues, rubbing a hand over Ava’s back, tucking hair out of Ava’s face. She leans down, presses a kiss to Ava’s temple. “Sleep, baby. I’ll be here when you wake up.”

She settles against the headboard, her knees drawn up to her chest, not wanting to get too comfortable, not wanting to fall asleep and miss Ava waking up. There’s a book on the nightstand that she’s been reading when she stays at Ava’s, but she can’t concentrate on it. All she can concentrate on is watching Ava, watching the rise and fall of her chest.

She looks peaceful.

And then she doesn’t, her whole body tensing up a second before her eyes snap open, a gasp escaping from her mouth. Her eyes are wild, searching, her torso lifting off the bed slightly.

Sara’s hands are on her shoulder, grounding her, in a split second. “Hey. Ava. Ava. I’m here. It’s okay.”

When their eyes meet, at the feeling of Sara’s hand, Ava visibly relaxes, slumping back down into the sheets.

“Fuck,” she whispers, and it’s clear the sedatives have worn off. The woman in front of Sara has no hint of the light headed playfulness the drugs had brought on. She looks worn out. Worn down. Tears well up in her eyes. “Fuck,” she repeats, her voice hoarse.

Sara’s heart breaks.

She was supposed to be the one with nightmares. Not Ava. Ava isn’t supposed to be plagued by the same kind of demons that haunt Sara’s dreams. She’s too _good_ for that.

Sara shuffles downwards, under the covers, drawing Ava close. “Ava. It’s okay. It was just a dream. I’m here.” Her hand cups the back of Ava’s head, pressing her face into the hollow of her neck. Beneath her hands, Ava shakes, sobs wracking through her body, tears rolling down onto Sara’s skin.

“It wasn’t just a dream,” Ava mumbles, eventually. “It wasn’t just a dream. It’s all true. Everything he said. Everything you said.” She pauses, scrunching up her face. “Everything you said in the dream,” she corrects herself. “I’m not real. You deserve something more than _this_. You deserve someone with real memories and real experiences and real emotions and—”

“Ava. Stop. Stop talking.” Sara can’t take it anymore, can’t take one more second of the words coming out of Ava’s mouth. “You’re the most real person I know.”

“I’m _not_ though. How am I any different from— from _her_? I _am_ a goddamned hypocrite. You’d be better off without me.”

“No. No. I wouldn’t.” Sara says, her jaw clenched, trying not to cry again. She pushes Ava back, away from her, so she can look at her properly. “Look at me, Ava.” When Ava’s eyes are still cast down, Sara repeats it, her tone softer. “Look at me, baby.” Ava finally looks up, meets her eyes. “You’re not— you’re nothing like her. She’s a fucking— she’s a fantasy, Ava. She’s not a real person. She doesn’t have any real thoughts or wants or _anything_. _You_ do. I don’t care if some of your memories are fake. You’re still real. You’re not being controlled by some magical book. You’re _you_.

“And you’re different. You _know_ your emotions are real. That’s what Rip said. You’re different from every other fucking clone in 2213, because none of them feel like you do. Your emotions can’t be _fake_ because none of the others even _had_ them. You’re more real than anyone else because you’re so _fucking_ real that you did that yourself. You did that. And I don’t know how, and I don’t know why, but I’m so grateful you did, because I’m more in love with you than I’ve been with anyone, ever, and I would _not_ be better off without you, Ava, and I don’t want to hear you say that ever again.”

“Sara…” Ava says, her voice weak.

“Ever. Again,” Sara says, almost growling it. “I love you. You love me. That’s not fucking _fake_ , Ava, just because some dick on my team said so.”

“You said he was your family,” Ava points out.

“Yeah, he is. Doesn’t mean he can’t be a dick. And completely wrong. In fact, I’m pretty sure that’s the one thing families are known for being: wrong, and also complete assholes.”

Ava presses her forehead closer against Sara, sighs. “In my dream, you were leaving me.” There’s a bitter pause, and then she says, “Again.”

Sara closes her eyes again, swearing internally, and then externally. “Fuck, Ava. You know that when— when I did that, it wasn’t— it wasn’t because of _you._ Because of _that_. We didn’t even _know_ about it all yet. I was just scared. I was terrified, because I was happier than I’d ever been, and you were so good for me, and I was terrified of messing you up. But I’m not scared anymore. Ava. Listen to me. Are you listening to me?” Ava nods, against Sara’s chest. “I’m not scared anymore, because I know that if we’re together then we’re going to be okay. I couldn’t possibly be better without you, because it hurts just to think about that, Ava. Just seeing you hurt killed me. I wouldn’t survive losing you again. So don’t even think that that’s what I’d want, in _any_ universe.

“We’re both better with each other. We’re both a bit messed up.” At that, Ava laughs, weakly. “We’re both _more_ than a bit messed up. But that doesn’t mean that either of us would be better alone. We’re better _together_ , baby. I promise. I don’t fucking care where you came from. I didn’t care when I first found out. I still don’t care. That has never changed my opinion of you, and it’s never going to. That is _never_ going to be something that would change how I feel about you. Never.”

“Never?” Ava asks, pulling back, her eyes wide, watery.

Sara reaches out a thumb, stroking it along Ava’s lashline, before pulling her close, finally joining their lips together. Ava’s breath stutters into her mouth, hesitating for just a split second before melting into it like she always does. Sara relishes in the feeling for a second, before pulling back half an inch. “Never. I love you, Ava. I loved you before I knew where you came from, and I love you now I know. Nothing’s changing that.”

“I’m not _real_ ,” Ava whispers, and Sara shakes her head, kissing her again, before tracing her mouth across Ava’s cheek, moving it towards Ava’s ear. Her hand trails down Ava’s chest, eventually reaching the hem of her shirt, pressing underneath it, ghosting touches over the skin on her stomach, her hips, feeling goosebumps rise underneath her fingertips.

“Can you feel that?” Sara breathes into Ava’s ear, her fingers still moving on Ava’s skin.

Ava nods.

Sara moves her mouth down, over Ava’s jaw, down her neck, slowly, before landing on the neckline of Ava’s shirt, stopping to pull it over Ava’s head. Ava lets her, just breathing, watching, closing her eyes when Sara ducks her head again, kissing over her collarbones, down her sternum.

She slides down Ava’s body, her hands on her hips, swinging her leg so that she’s straddling her. She presses a kiss to Ava’s stomach.

“Can you feel that?”

Ava nods, but there’s still pain on her face. “Anything can feel. That doesn’t make me real.”

“Shh,” Sara says, working back upwards. “How does it make you feel?”

Sara’s mouth is pressing light kisses to the underside of Ava’s bra, her fingers rubbing circles into her stomach muscles, when Ava gasps out, “Good. It makes me feel good. That’s still not—”

“Why?”

“Why what?” Ava asks, looking down at Sara, where she’s still working up higher, her lips on the soft tissue of Ava’s breasts.

“Why does it make you feel good, baby?”

At that, Ava hesitates, but only for a second. “Because I love you. Because you love me.”

“Why do you love me?”

That throws Ava for slightly longer. Sara kisses back across her chest, back up towards her neck. “I just… I just… do?”

“Did a book tell you to?” Ava shakes her head. Sara lays a kiss on her pulse point. “Were you created solely to love me?” Ava shakes her head again. Sara’s mouth traces her jaw. “So, then you love me because you’re…”

“Because I’m real,” Ava breathes, finally getting it, choking up, tears welling up again. “Because I chose to.”

Sara smiles. “Now you’re getting it,” she says, her fingers splaying over Ava’s cheek, joining their lips together again, pushing every ounce of love she’s ever felt into it, her other hand on Ava’s waist, holding them together. “We chose each other, Ava. I chose to love you. You chose to love me. No-one told us to. That’s real.”

Beneath her, Ava shivers. She looks up at Sara, tucking some hair behind her ear. “That’s real,” she whispers. “This is real. I’m real.”

“Yeah, baby, you are.”

**Author's Note:**

> i haven't been on twitter this week, but i feel like this demonstrates most of my thoughts towards the events of this episode, while adding in the 'sara worrying over ava' that i desperately needed


End file.
